Books & Online Resources

Books, personally reviewed by Mike, plus helpful online resources & divorce articles.

Books

ABOUT KIDS

From time to time clients have asked me to recommend books they can use to help their children cope with, and adjust to, their separations and divorces. I have personally reviewed these books and web sites to give you a general idea of contents and age appropriateness. I hope that you will find one or two in the following list that will meet your needs.

HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH DIVORCE by Edward Teyber
This book (available in soft cover) provides guidance to parents on how to help their children deal with their parents' divorce. It describes the pain, fears, and misconceptions that many children have, and offers suggestions of how to ease their pain and help them cope.

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD by Judy Blume (A book for parents)

KIDS FIRST: Children coping with Divorce and Family Conflict by Chet Muklewicz
This 38 page soft-cover booklet has information on how parental relationships during divorce affect children and what parents who are in conflict can do to help their children adjust to the changes in their family. A Spanish edition is also available. For information or orders contact www.KidsFirst.cc or call 570-341-2007. Other books for children and parents in divorce are also available.

TAKING THE CONFLICT OUT OF CHILD CUSTODY by Chet Muklewicz
This 14 page booklet helps parents focus on the kids' needs. It contains simple exercises and skills to reduce conflict in their children's presence. The reprints of children's letters and drawings are extremely powerful.

101 WAYS TO BE A LONG-DISTANCE DAD … OR MOM, TOO by George Newman
This brief book provides simple, effective ways to stay close to kids when you are far away.

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS: Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce
by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee
This book (available in soft cover), written by a prominent child psychologist who is an expert on divorce and children, provides guidance on all aspects of helping yourself and your children get through the divorce, and after divorce. It includes everything from how to tell the children of different ages and different stages of development about their parents' separation, through steps to take to help your second marriage to be a success.

READ-ALOUD Books and BOOKS CHILDREN can READ

A DIVORCE DICTIONARY: (A Book for You and Your Children)
Explains and defines many words and concepts associated with divorce. Not suitable for very young children.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, KOKO BEAR by Vicki Lanski
This is a read-aloud book for younger children and a self-read for older children. This book is probably suitable for children 4-8 years old.

MOM'S HOUSE – DAD'S HOUSE by Isolina Ricci -MacMillan
Self-help guide for crafting a shared parenting plan with sample language examples and practical hints.

MY STORY by Jim Boulden and Joan Beaverville
A coloring and activity book for child and family designed to help a child find his or her place in the process.

THE FEELING BOOK by Dr. Lynda Madison – American Girl Library
Children, especially girls, are encouraged to learn about their feeling. This book is probably suitable for preteens and young teens.

WHEN YOUR PARENTS SPLIT UP: HOW TO KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER by Alys Swan Jackson
Quotes from teens makes this book seem very realistic. This book is suitable for teenagers.

Contact your local children's librarian or bookstore to find other books about divorce that may be helpful for your child

ABOUT COPING: DURING AND AFTER DIVORCE

CUSTODY CHAOS, PERSONAL PEACE: Sharing Custody with an Ex Who Drives You Crazy by Jeffrey P. Wittman
Strategies, skills, and tools for dealing with anger, even when your ex-refuses to change.

THE DIVORCE BOOK: A PRACTICAL AND COMPASSIONATE GUIDE by Matthew McKay, Peter Rogers, Joan Blades, Richard Gosse.
A source book describing the divorce process and how to handle yourself and help your children deal with divorce.

A MAN'S GUIDE TO CIVILIZED DIVORCE: How to Divorce with Grace, a Little Class, and Lot of Common sense by Sam Margulies
This book, written by a very experienced divorce lawyer and mediator, is must reading for anyone – man or woman – who is contemplating divorce. With many real-life examples from his experience, he explains the divorce process and shows how divorcing couples can get through their divorce with a minimum amount of pain and expense, and continue to serve the best interests of their children.

NOT YOUR MOTHER'S DIVORCE: A practical Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Guide to Surviving the End of an Early Marriage by Kay Moffett and Sarah Touberg
This is a book for young women, without children, who divorce. The advice is based on the experience of the authors and of more than thirty women who divorced in their twenties and thirties.

REBUILDING WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti
Description of negative feelings that people commonly experience after divorce, and simple, step by step strategies for rebuilding life afterwards.

STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR DUMMIES by Alan Elkin
This comprehensive book has lots of simple and effective suggestions for dummies (and smarties too).

THE GOOD DIVORCE by Constance Ahrons
Helps divorcing parents get past the breakup and deal with the transition from a nuclear to a binuclear family.

THE TRUTH ABOUT CHILDREN AND DIVORCE by Robert E. Emery, PhD.
Everything you need to know about divorce and family relationships. Has "scripts" for some difficult conversations. Highly recommended.

WE'RE STILL FAMILY: What Grown Children Have to Say about Their Parents' Divorce by Constance Ahrons
Based on interviews with 173 grown children whose parents divorced when they were young, this book dispels the myth that divorce destroys families. It provides advice on how to best help children deal with divorce and bi-nuclear families.

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS: RAISING YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER DIVORCE by Judith Wallerstein
A practical and comprehensive guide for parents to use in dealing with children of all ages and stages of development.

ABOUT MONEY AND FINANCES

THE DIVORCE ORGANIZER PLANNER by Brette McWhorter Sember
This soft cover book with forms and lists helps you to do just what the title suggests. It is a guide to gathering and organizing all important information on finances, expenses and property, proving worksheets, logs and checklists, along with a lot of good advice. It also provides a description of the divorce process, with suggestions on how to negotiate with your spouse and deal with lawyers and other professionals.

DIVORCE & MONEY by Violet Woodhouse

ABOUT TAXES

United States Internal Revenue Service (IRS)
1-800-829-1040 www.irs.gov Fax 703-368-9694

The IRS will answer questions without requiring any name or identification. They also provide free publications on various topics, such as:

Publication 504 Divorced and Separated Individuals

2441 (Catalog Numbers 11862) Child and Dependent Care Expenses

521 Moving Expenses

523 Selling Your Home

936 Home Mortgage Deduction

MASTER TAX GUIDE - CCH Editorial Staff Publication
This not inexpensive soft cover book ( approx. $40.00) is an exhaustive guide that answers most tax questions for businesses and individuals. It is updated each year.

Online Resources

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy - www.aamft.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.ndvh.org

National Fatherhood Initiative - www.fatherhood.org

Website of the Step Families of America - www.saafamilies.org

Childsupport calculations by state - www.allaw.com/calculators/childsupport

Guidance for parents in conflict - www.uptoparents.com

Children's Bill of Rights - www.divorcehq.com/billrights.html

United States Divorce Laws - www.usdivorcelaws.com

Services for Victims of Domestic Violence - www.safehorizons.com